You may shake your head with painful memories of large dollar amounts lost, and swear on a stack of Bibles that you’ll never again be foolish sufficient to engage in a shoot-out with the One-Armed Bandit, but who are you kidding? Maybe, with just a little luck, you will be able to resist the call of the slot machine for a number of weeks, perhaps even a month or two. But you know damn well that you’ll be back for a rematch sooner or later. You can not just let that Bandit win so quickly, can you? No way.

It’s just a machine, in the end, with a “brain” comprised of wires and microchips. You, having said that, are a living, breathing entity with the capacity for critical thinking and self-reflection. If humankind is to have any hope at all in surviving the global war against machines that surely will come some day, we’d better at least be able to beat the slots. Think of the matter in this sort of sweeping historical context and also you shall see that it’s not simply a choice but an obligation that you should get back on the horse as quickly as possible.

Before launching on your noble quest in defense of humanity, it might be wise to review some basic information and arm yourself with five crucial tips to success.

You might not realize that the online slot betting machine goes by different names in overseas nations. For example, within the United Kingdom, it is called a fruit machine (no jokes about British drag queens, please.) In Australia, the slot is referred to as a “poker machine,” which is even more confusing, but what can you expect from a culture that gives outdoor grills the name of just a little girl’s toy? (Let it sink in for a minute, you’ll get it.)

Anyway, traditional American slot machines are coin-operated and contain three or maybe more reels, which spin any time a lever on the side of the machine is pulled. The machines include a currency detector that validates the cash inserted to play. The machine typically pays off based upon patterns of symbols visible when the reels stop.

OK, enough for the description. Generally, onto those tips that have been promised a number of paragraphs ago:

Become intimately acquainted with each slot machine’s payout schedule. Two identical slot machines will often have radically different payouts. This matters, people.

Look for advertised slot machines offering 96-98% paybacks. Most casinos usually have a couple of banks or carousels of high percentage payback slots, and this is in which you should play.

Join the casino players club wherever you gamble regularly. Casinos reward players for time and expense spent. Even when you don’t hit the jackpot, you might still receive comps like meals, discount hotel rooms, and other perks.

This should be a no-brainer, but only play the slot machines you may afford and only spend cash you may risk losing. Seriously.

Walk away when you’re losing and become irritated. Playing slot machines is supposed to be an enjoyable pastime, not really a source of ulcer-inducing frustration. When it’s no longer fun, go get a drink and some fresh air.